Breaking

I drank too much tonight. Not to the point of falling down but to the stance of not caring. That might be why I’m throwing caution to the wind and writing this down.

My life isn’t bad. In fact, I’ve been feeling really good about where I am and what I’m doing. My new puppy, Beau is a highlight and Ethel continues to be a joy. Work is better after a year of hell. Still, today, I broke down.

Not enough sleep? Stress and pressure? The age old feeling of “not good enough” coming back to haunt me?

Maybe it’s the planets, the moon and the stars.

Whatever it is, I’m sure it will pass. I hope it will pass.

Two very important people in my life are struggling with health issues and along with that, financial stability. I think about what they are dealing with and am so grateful that I have a good health, serene home and a good income. Life isn’t fair. More so for some than others.

I have nothing to complain about. Still, I feel raw. The emotions took over today and I wept openly to peers and friends. The wine helped calm the floodgates but is only a temporary reprieve.

It all will pass. Looking for what’s feeling. Finding – or not finding – what’s there. Bowing to the true nature of life itself.

Calm. Rest. Peace.

Ready for a new day…

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